My mind is all wacky right now. I watched a film called Zeitgeist and it really made me start asking questions: what is going on? I wasn't surprised by some of it...or really any of it. The story of Christianity and Jesus was ripped off from a story ripped off from a story ripped off from a story....you get the point. And it is sick that a story that is just an unoriginal tale is behind so much pain and bloodshed. Some people feel saved by Jesus...I just feel trapped by religion. I feel it's weight upon me and am sad that something like "religion" could come between me and half the world, a new friend or potential lover.
The other part of the film focused largely on 911 stuff. And here is the part that troubled me most: The lack of debris at either the Pentagon or the field in Pennsylvania. According to this film, there was no debris from the planes at either site. And I remember hearing that on the news, that the destruction was so total the planes and everyone on them had been vaporized. But this film presented evidence and convincing testimony that it would be physically impossible for the planes to have vaporized. There is no way the jet fuel would have burned at a high enough temperature for a long enough time for the planes to have just completely disappeared. Photos of other plane wrecks where jumbo jets plummeted from the sky show mounds of twisted aluminum and clearly identifiable tempered steel and titanium engine parts. But four planes disappeared that day. We know what happened to two of them. This begs the question, what happened to the other two? And it is pretty frightening to think about the possibility. Those planes might have been landed at an airport somewhere, every person made to debark from the plane, and they might have all been systematically executed. Or made to walk into some shower-like contraption a la Aushwitz, and gassed to death. Who knows. God (if indeed there is such a thing) only knows.
On top of all of this, I'm reading a book called Endgame (Volume I the problem of civilzation) by Derek Jensen. And it is a book exploring industrial civilization and how we all must be deeply sick to continue living the way we do: raping the land and killing human and non-human beings everyday at an alarming rate. We all participate. I've just begun the book, so I can't discuss all the points, but I find myself agreeing with the points the author is making. Clean air and water are essential to life and everday we are putting clean air and water in jeopardy. I'm doing it right now by using electricity to type on the computer and have lights on. And by traveling home. And by using "resources" I purchased from a store which were probably taken forcefully from someone else. And taken forcefully can mean paying a farmer way too little and taking way too much, which is what happens everyday.
All of this makes me sad. It confuses me. Makes me wonder what it is I can do. What I should do. What I shouldn't do. But I am seeing that it is this industrial economic nation that leads to murder, depression, starvation, anorexia, bulemia, drug addictions, hyper activity and any other malaise overtaking people every day. We are unfulfilled. Unhappy. Unsure of how to proceed. Watching TV and going to sporting events and sitting next to our mothers and fathers and sisters, brothers, and friends and children, but never really looking them in the eye, never really saying anything to them. Asking, "how 'bout those cowboys" or "how about the Mets" is about as deep as we get these days. And if you want to talk about anything else, no one really has the time. Or want to accuse you of conspiracy theorizing. Or just don't care to understand another point of view.
So here I am, at a desk job, brain melting, muscles melting, cancer melting, all of it dripping throught the drain in the center of the floor, all of it dripping throught the cracks in the floor, all of it dripping and running into the ground water, poisoning someone else's child....
Where is the fresh air. The farm. The freedom?
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